#firstworldproblems

Amid this unique time in our world, we can complain about “#firstworldproblems” and I will, for a moment, because why the fuck not? I’ve never lived any where other than this first world, so how can I compare my known problems to those I’ve never faced? These problems are my problems. They suck for me, right now. I’m going through hell. It is a huge shift from my normal. That has to count for something, right?

As for the “lockdown”, “quarantine”, “social distancing” thing that has been enforced in my area, I’m actively being non-active. Not saying I’m sitting around doing nothing all the time (which is partially true). I’m just staying home and being… Just being.

I’m used to working full-time. I’ve been doing what I can at home, but in my line of work, it’s more of a hands-on job. You can’t be hands-on from home. So I’ve been doing paper work, catching up on email, phone calls. All the boring office work. A couple hours a day.

It’s giving me unlimited time with my son, which is awesome. He’s a bundle of energy, and I know without a doubt that when I do go back to work he is going to go through some serious separation anxiety, but right now, it’s pretty kick ass. Games all day? Chalking up our walks any time we want to? Bubbles after lunch? Fuck yeah, let’s do it.

Which leads to one major problem.

I don’t have a major following. It’s fine. I’m not doing this to get big time fame. It’s an outlet.

But I’ve been away for a while. You can check the dates.

I want to divorce my husband. That’s a whole other blog post that I just don’t have the emotional energy to type out right now, but suffice it to say that I’m just done. I don’t need bible thumpers to tell me that the omnipresent imaginary friend in the sky frowns upon divorce, I’ve already heard it.

I’ve talked to the husband about my feelings. Problem is, he’s acting like nothing has changed, even though I can’t remember the last time that I told him that I love him, because I don’t. I don’t want to lie anymore. He doesn’t want me to leave, he wants to “work on us”, he wants to “try”. Try fucking what, dude?

In any case, that will be left to another post.

The major problem is, since I’m home all the time now, I’m stuck in our house all the time. With him. The man I’m sharing space with on the daily. That I don’t love anymore. I don’t really have anywhere else to go at the moment. I mean, does anyone?

What do you do when the entire country is in a lock down and you’re stuck inside with the one person you’re trying to distance yourself from?

So, #firstworldproblems. Am I right?